No Angel

  No Angel

  A No Shame Holiday Romance

  Nora Phoenix

  No Angel (A No Shame Holiday Romance) by Nora Phoenix

  Copyright ©2018 Nora Phoenix

  Cover design: Sloan Johnson (Sloan J Designs)

  Edited by Jamie Anderson

  All rights reserved. No part of this story may be used, reproduced, or transmitted in any form by any means without the written permission of the copyright holder, except in case of brief quotations and embodied within critical reviews and articles.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The use of any real company and/or product names is for literary effect only. All other trademarks and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

  This book contains sexually explicit material which is suitable only for mature readers.

  www.noraphoenix.com

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Acknowledgments

  Meet Nora Phoenix

  Also by Nora Phoenix

  1

  The kitchen hummed with activity, delicious smells wafting from the open oven. Josh did a last check on the turkey, and when he confirmed it was perfectly cooked, he carefully lifted it out of the oven.

  "T minus fifteen," he told Indy, who stuck a fork into the potatoes to see if they were done.

  "Good. We’re right on schedule," Indy said, sending him a happy smile.

  Josh took off the oven mitts and put them back into the drawer. The turkey could rest now before their dinner commenced. He checked his list to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything. Indy was making the mashed potatoes, the water for the green beans simmered at a low boil, a sweet potato casserole was browning in the other oven, so it looked like everything was going smoothly.

  Behind him, Charlie and Brad were setting the table, with Charlie gently providing instructions. Josh smiled at his patient correction whenever Brad got something wrong. Brad’s dog, Max, napped in the kitchen's corner, having discovered that’s where the best snacks were coming from.

  Meanwhile, Blake and Aaron had retreated to the playroom. Blake had apologized, since Aaron was supposed to help with cooking, but he’d had a rough few days at work, apparently. Blake had asked if they could utilize the room for an hour or two so they could play and let Aaron regroup. Of course, they’d all assured them that was fine.

  From the living room, sounds of the football game on TV drifted in, with Noah, Connor, and Miles commenting on what sounded like a close match. It was a good thing the Patriots weren't playing, since Miles was a staunch Seahawks fan and liked to goad Noah and Connor about their love for all things Patriots. It was all done in good fun, though Miles liked to live dangerously at times, riding Connor hard.

  "The potatoes are done," Indy said.

  Josh opened the can of cranberry sauce and dumped it into a bowl. He’d wanted to make it himself but had been overruled by a majority that store-bought was fine, if not better. It went somewhat against his preference for home-cooked food, but he had acquiesced.

  "I've put out all the ingredients for your mashed potatoes," he told Indy.

  Watching Indy cook was always fun. He'd gotten much better at it, but it still required a lot of focus and concentration from him. Josh watched, his heart softening, as Indy added sour cream and some fresh chives to the bowl and turned the mixer on, the tip of his tongue peeping out from between his lips.

  "I love you."

  Those words kept falling off his lips all by themselves, and they never failed to make Indy shine with joy at hearing them. Even now, concentrated on getting the mashed potatoes right, he stopped the mixer for a few seconds to face Josh and send him a look so full of love it took Josh's breath away.

  "I love you too."

  Would he ever grow tired of hearing those words, either from Indy or from Connor? Josh doubted it. Every time he thought his heart couldn't get any fuller, it seemed to make more space. And two days from now, he’d make it official by marrying Connor. It would be a small affair, their double wedding, but that didn’t make it less meaningful. On the contrary, it had always been about their love, not about others or throwing a party. Their wedding fit their love, their family, their hearts.

  As Indy went back to his cooking and Josh checked the casserole in the oven, he pondered it. The heart was a funny thing, wasn't it? The older he got, the more he realized that so many people got things wrong about love. He himself had grown up with such a warped version of love, his parents only loving him as long as he conformed to their standards, to their norms. How wrong they had been to call that love.

  Love couldn't have conditions, Josh had realized. Love possessed no limits, no fear, no shame. Love rose above that; otherwise, it wouldn't be love. If nothing else, the past year had taught him that. The love that reigned in this house, it wasn't traditional by any standard.

  God, his parents would have a fucking heart attack if they ever found out he was in love with not one, but two men. Then Josh thought of their reaction if they ever discovered their other son, Aaron, was not only madly in love with a man as well but got off on pretending to be a puppy with that same man as his owner. They wouldn't just have a heart attack, they would legit die. Either of embarrassment or shame—Josh wasn't sure which—but it was their problem. No one who had ever seen Blake and Aaron together could deny how happy and perfect they were for each other.

  And the same was true for Miles and his boys, another unconventional relationship. Josh had not only seen it work, but flourish. He'd had his doubts in the beginning, not because he questioned the love between the three men, but because of the unusual dynamics. Miles being a daddy to Brad, but not to Charlie, and Charlie being way more of a bossy little shit than any of them had expected, and yet it worked. They fit together, like a seamless puzzle.

  "Josh, baby, are you with me?" Indy asked, and Josh realized he'd been staring into space for a while. No wonder Indy was checking if he wasn’t having an episode.

  He turned toward him. "I'm good, just…thinking."

  Indy studied him for a few seconds more, then smiled. "There is a lot to be grateful for, isn't there?" he asked, showing once again he could read Josh's mind.

  Josh nodded. "There is. I can't help but think how lucky and blessed we are with our chosen family."

  “We are. It hits me on days like this as well,” Indy said, and they shared another moment before they went back to cooking.

  Indy set the mashed potatoes aside as Josh added the green beans to the boiling water. He’d prepared a nice dressing for them made with nut oil, lemon juice, and pecans and goat cheese. By the time everything was done, Josh beamed with pride because it all looked amazing. And the timing was dead-on.

  They arranged all the food on the beautifully set table and called in the others. Aaron’s previous haunted look had been replaced by the inner peace he often radiated after a puppy play session, and Josh gave him a quick hug. “Feeling better?”

  “Much,” Aaron said, hugging him back. “Blake always knows how to center me.”

  “Good. You needed it,” Josh said as he let go of his brother.

  "The table looks amazing,"
Miles said, pride audible in his voice. "You boys did a terrific job."

  Brad's face lit up. "That was all Charlie, but thank you, Daddy. I helped."

  Miles pressed a tender kiss on his lips. "I know you did, sweetheart. Thank you for listening to Charlie's instructions. You did really well."

  Charlie had created name cards for everyone. Hand-crafted, beautifully written cards with hand-painted leaves on them. The leaves matched the ones on the napkins Charlie had picked out and folded into intricate flowers. It was a little over the top for an informal gathering like this and yet it was perfect. It was one of the things that Josh loved, how they all had started to explore unique talents and interests.

  They found their usual spots, he and Indy next to each other, with Connor and Noah flanking them on either side, and Miles and his boys on either side of him across from them. Blake and Aaron were sitting next to them, with Blake sitting next to his younger brother. Josh was happy to see the two of them growing much closer over the last few months. After some initial struggles, Blake had adapted wonderfully to Brad's unique relationship with Miles, and he fully supported it. Not that Josh had expected anything else from a man who loved to engage in puppy play, but it was beautiful to see him accept this was what Brad needed.

  They had just all sat down, everyone praising how beautiful both the table setting and the food looked, when the doorbell rang. Max raised his head and barked, then plopped down again. Josh tensed up. Someone dropping by unexpectedly on Thanksgiving Day? That couldn't be good.

  Connor's hand gripped his neck instantly, and Indy reached for his hand from the other side. "We've got you, baby," Connor's calm voice said. "Just breathe, I’ll check it out."

  Josh was grateful that Connor waited till Josh was okay before he rose from his chair and hurried to the front door. After he'd opened it, a faint conversation was audible, but not loud enough for Josh to recognize the other voice.

  Then Connor called out, "Blake and Brad, can you come over for a second? Your brother is here."

  Blake shared a stunned look with Brad. Burke was here? When he and Aaron had visited his younger brother, Benjamin, earlier that morning, Benjamin had mentioned something about Burke calling him and telling him he would visit. Blake hadn't known what to make of that, had thought maybe Benjamin had gotten confused. After all, none of them had heard a peep from Burke since he'd stormed out of this house months ago.

  His first instinct was to face Burke alone, but then he realized he couldn't and shouldn't make that decision for Brad. He’d made that mistake too many times in the past, deciding for Brad rather than allowing him to make his own decisions.

  So he asked, "Do you want me to talk to him first, or would you prefer facing him together?"

  Much to his surprise, Brad didn't look to Miles for guidance. "You talk to him first. If he's still set on being an asshole, I'd much prefer not to see him."

  As harsh as that sounded, Blake couldn't agree more with him that it was for the best. He was still amazed at the change in Brad compared to a year ago. The relationship with Miles and Charlie, the guidance he got from the daddy dynamic, it was nothing short of amazing. He’d lost his default sullen expression and, even though he still struggled at times, there was a new joy and contentment in him. No need to let Burke take that from him if he—as Brad had worded it so perfectly—was still set on being an asshole.

  He put a soft hand on his brother's shoulder. "I'll go see what he wants.”

  He made his way to the front door, where Connor had let Burke in, but not beyond the entrance. Blake appreciated that the man was looking out for all of their best interest, but especially Brad’s. Connor was a stand-in daddy when Miles was away, Blake knew, and Brad treated Connor with nothing but respect and admiration.

  Blake shot him a look of gratitude. “Thank you. I’ve got this.”

  With one last, none-to-friendly glance at Burke, Connor went back to the kitchen. Blake studied his brother. He looked well, a little more tan than before, and from the looks of it, well-rested and fed.

  "What brings you here?" he asked.

  Burke met his inquisitive gaze head on. "I thought it was a good day to make amends, but I apologize for intruding. I tried your house first, but your current house guests said you were celebrating Thanksgiving here, so I came over before I lost the nerve."

  "The nerve for what?"

  "To apologize for being a complete asshole to you."

  Blake cocked his head, then studied his brother a little more. "There's something different about you," he observed.

  Burke smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile. "Maybe because I'm sober?"

  Blake couldn't help his eyes from widening. "Sober?" he repeated stupidly, his mind contemplating what Blake meant. Their father had been an alcoholic, a mean one, and surely Burke wouldn't be stupid enough to fall into the same addiction, would he?

  "Apparently, I managed to hide it well, but I've been a high-functioning alcoholic for the last few years. After I ran off from you, I quit my job and moved down South, looking for a fresh start. I thought a change of scenery would help me, and it did, but not until after I hit rock bottom. But that's a story for another day. I just wanted to tell you I'm sober and that I want to make amends."

  Blake blinked slowly. "You're going through the program," he said, recognizing Burke's language. Holy fuck, his brother was an alcoholic. "The steps. You're following the steps." He knew them well enough from the many people who'd stayed in his house who'd been recovering drug or alcohol addicts, fueled by their years of being abused.

  Burke hesitated, but then he nodded. "Yes, but that's not why I'm apologizing. It's not because it's a requirement or a step. I mean it. I fucked up big time with you."

  Burke was an alcoholic. How the hell had he missed that, Blake wondered. He was hit with a similar sense of anger at himself as when he'd discovered Brad's issues. He'd always thought he'd been close with his brothers. How wrong he had been. Brad had suffered so hard, and Blake had never noticed enough to say anything, and here was Burke, admitting to a years-long addiction Blake had known nothing about. But he would have to deal with that later. This wasn't about him or his failures. This had to be about Burke.

  "I appreciate you coming and apologizing," Blake said. "I hope you realize we’ll need some more conversations before I can put this behind us, but you coming here is a great start."

  He watched as Burke visibly relaxed a little, then said, "You didn't hurt only me, though. The fact that you ran off from Brad as well impacted him. He's been going through a lot of stuff, and he could've used your support."

  "Is he okay? The cancer isn't back, is it?" Burke asked, a hint of panic in his voice. Somehow, that made Blake feel better. Despite all his shortcomings, Burke really did care about them.

  "Physically, he's fine. Emotionally, he's been dealing with a lot, but he's got it handled now, or at least, he's getting there." He waited a beat to consider how much he should tell Burke, then decided he’d better test the waters as promised. “He’s seeing someone. It’s serious."

  Burke's eyes widened. "Brad’s got a boyfriend?"

  "He's got two: Miles—the FBI agent who protected Indy for a while—and Charlie, who you know. The three of them are in a committed relationship. Moreover, Miles and Brad have a daddy–boy relationship. I'm telling you all this before I allow you to come in further. This is not my house, but Brad does live here, and I won't allow you to criticize him, his relationship, or that of the other people present. That includes Aaron, by the way, and yes, he and I are still engaged in puppy play. Is any of this going to be an issue for you?"

  He realized it was somewhat cruel of him to stack all this information and dump it on Burke like this. But he had to know what his brother's attitude would be like. In this house, he couldn't let him in if he was set on continuing the judgmental behavior he had shown before toward Blake and Aaron. That wouldn't fly here, and Blake would do whatever it took to not only protect his brother, but hi
s boyfriend and everyone else.

  Burke swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. "That's…" He cleared his throat, then tried again. "That's all fine. I won't say anything. It doesn't mean much, but I am awfully sorry about the way I treated Aaron, and your relationship. I'd love the opportunity to explain why I reacted like that in more detail, but another time."

  Blake saw nothing but honesty on his brother's face, then questioned if he even knew him well enough to make that judgment. "Understand this: you know I'm a man of second chances. I always have been. But where the people in this house are concerned, you'll find the second chance is your last one. This is family, Burke, and I'm telling you to respect that. You fuck up again, and you're out. I don't care if you're my brother by blood, I will not allow you to hurt those I love again. Do you understand me?"

  Burke blinked a few times. "You've changed," he said. "I've never seen you this protective."

  "Well, we’ve all changed. Brad, me, and hopefully you. Brad and I have changed for the better, and I hope that's the case with you as well."

  Burke cringed a little. "I'd love to say yes, but I'm much too aware I'm very much a work in progress, so I hope you cut me some slack as I try to rediscover myself."

  "Slack, yes, but I've told you where I draw the line. As long as you stay on the right side of that line, we’re good. You want to come in to celebrate Thanksgiving with us?"

  "Are you sure I'm welcome?" Burke asked. "I'm not sure what you told everyone, but I can't imagine I'm high on their list of people they would like to have over for a family holiday like this."

  For the first time, Blake sent him a genuine smile, and he put a hand on Burke's shoulder as he spoke. "Bro, you'll find there's not a more welcoming bunch than these people. They will take you in as one of their own if you'll accept them as they are."